On July 7, 2015, my life was turned upside down. I was 20 years old, and had just taken a pregnancy test. I about fell over when I saw those two pink lines. My boyfriend and I were freaking out. I was in college and had no idea how I could raise a baby. We were terrified to tell our families, but little did we know that was the least of our problems.
We had our first ultrasound on August 3, and got to see our precious baby for the first time. We were in awe of its tiny heartbeat and even got to see it move! Our fears instantly went away and we were very excited for this new chapter in our lives.
All of the prenatal appointments that followed went great until we reached the 20 week mark. I went to my monthly appointment as usual and my doctor listened for a heartbeat. She had a hard time hearing one, so she thought it would be best to check things out on an ultrasound. We were nervous, but excited to see our baby again. The first thing the tech looked for was a heartbeat and she easily found one. We were so relieved! She went ahead and did the anatomy check and we found out our precious baby was a boy!
A week went by and we were feeling great. Not long after, the clinic called and told me my doctor wanted to see me again. When we met with her, she said the ultrasound showed a small hole in the baby’s heart, and the stomach looked like it was closed off. She told us not to panic, and that our questions would be answered when we met with a specialist. That same night, we headed out of town to meet with the specialist. We were very nervous and very worried. The specialist did another ultrasound and checked the stomach and said everything looked good. Then, he checked the heart. They had a hard time seeing if their actually was a hole or not. He told us that if there was, it was small enough and would close up on its own. We thought we were in the clear, but the specialist noticed two small cysts in our son’s brain. He said the cysts alone are nothing to worry about but he wanted to look for other markers before we left. He paid special attention to our baby’s hands. He became concerned when he noticed his hands were clenched into fists. He told us that he wanted to draw my blood to test for Trisomy 18, a terrible chromosomal disorder that would cause our baby to die. We were in complete and utter shock.
We traveled home that night and prepared ourselves for the long week ahead. We had ourselves convinced that everything was fine. It just had to be. Nothing like this could ever happen to us. But, it did. A week later, the specialist called with terrible news. Our sweet boy had tested positive for Trisomy 18. My heart broke. This just could not be happening. This wasn’t real.
He wanted us to meet with him again, to talk face to face. He told us that babies with trisomy 18 don’t always make it to full term. If they do, they most likely won’t survive the labor and delivery. He talked about a baptism, a funeral, and told us we should take as many pictures as possible.
The next couple of months flew by, and we weren’t any closer to being ready for this. My doctor said these babies have a hard time coming on there own, due to low birth weight, so they would induce me at 36 weeks. At 32 weeks, my water broke, and because of increased risk of infection, they decided to let him come.
Sawyer James Ormesher was born on Saturday, January 16, at 2:47 pm. He was stillborn, but he was the most beautiful little man I’d ever seen. All of our family came to see him and hold him. Everyone loved on him as much as they could. We had a priest come and baptize him and took as many pictures as possible.
I think about our sweet boy every single day. His life, though short, touched our lives in ways we could never imagine. I still don’t understand how things like this can happen, but I know there is no better place for him than Heaven.
“I may have held you in my arms for a moment, but I will hold you in my heart forever.”
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