I was 5 months pregnant when I learned that my baby would have Trisomy 18 and I didn’t even know the gender of the baby. I remember going to the document to have the usual genetic testing for my baby, and not knowing what news I would receive that day. It was a happy day because I would finally learn my baby’s gender! I got to the doctor’s office to take the blood test and leaving happy after hearing my little persons heartbeat which is the greatest feeling in the world. Days later I received a call that the test was positive and my whole world came crashing down on top of me. I was adamant that a second confirmation test was needed because I couldn’t accept that something would be wrong with my little baby.
A confirmation test was performed confirming that my baby would have some defects, but we did not know what they would be. I went into the doctor’s office to get an ultrasound to see exactly what was wrong with my little one, and all I remember is being in that ultrasound room what felt like hours, and I just knew something was wrong because the tech took a long time looking at the baby. And mind you I still did not know the gender and I really wanted a baby girl. I was so afraid and so anxious for them to tell me everything would be okay. The tech was finished with the exam and went to get the doctor. The doctor confirmed that my baby had multiple defects and I was crushed and devastated. The doctor informed me that my baby had one leg shorter than the other and other defects and confirmed that my baby had Trisomy 18. He left the room and I broke down completely and a nurse just came and hugged me, and I broke down even more. This was the worse day of my life and I called my mom and when I heard her voice I just broke down and told her what happened. I had to accept the fact that my baby would have down syndrome and I had to think of ways to cope with that. I spoke with the doctor about possible options and made the decision to terminate the pregnancy. The doctor told me that my baby had a 99% chance of not living, and I was not strong enough to go through that. Yes, that might make me weak to most but to me this decision made me stronger. Let’s fast forward to the day I would give my baby over to God. I still did not know my baby’s gender and I just knew she would be a girl. The doctor that was performing my procedure was a pregnant woman and she was pregnant with a girl as well. I remember the doctor coming in while I was on the table to take me into the operating room and she just stared at me with this sad face. Right then I knew what she was about to say, she said I got your baby’s gender and she was in fact a girl. I didn’t even cry because I was numb at this time, and I had to be strong. After the procedure they gave me this box with a teddy bear, blanket, grief cards and my little girl handprints on a card. My fiancé at the time picked me up and we didn’t even have a name yet. We named her Joy Jessie and once we named her right in that car I broke down. I couldn’t hold it in any longer because I was holding it in in front of all those people in the doctor’s office. I finally got home and just laid down. I couldn’t even think I just kept staring at the wall and couldn’t feel anything. I was numb and just distraught. I would just lay in my bed for days at a time and had friends to help me through it. My friends, family and my kid helped me through this traumatic time. I had to ask God for help and to keep me from falling deeper into depression. If I did not have my support system I would not be here because this was the hardest thing I had to go through in life. I also had a child I had to be strong for. I am thankful now because things really do happen for a reason and now, I have my little angel watching over me.
How I found out my little girl had Trisomy and How I coped with it.
