Jameson Cole

9CA5DCB6-A4C9-472E-BB12-B2F1611B6D77

Jameson is my miracle baby. I’d already had 5 miscarriages and Jameson was a complete surprise. I never expected to stay pregnant with him, I kept waiting for a miscarriage or something to go wrong. It was very hard for me to stay positive about the pregnancy or even connect with Jameson. Because of my history with miscarriages, I was monitored very closely. I had ultrasounds every 2 weeks. Things were looking great! He was growing like he should and his heartbeat was amazing. The most magical sound in the world. My dr had no concerns. I was offered the Panorama test even though my dr thought things were fine. I am 40. I decided to do the testing because it would also tell me gender. That’s what I really wanted to know! The test came back with a 9/10 chance of T18. Funnily enough, they didn’t tell me gender! I was 12 weeks pregnant. I decided to do the CVS test to get confirmation. It came back positive. My dr encouraged termination of the pregnancy and told me if I continued with the pregnancy I would be delivering a stillborn baby by 19 weeks of my pregnancy. There is no way I could terminate when Jameson had such a beautiful heartbeat. I decided to continue with the pregnancy. I was watched more closely by my drs. I had an early anatomy scan that showed a possible VSD. I went back 2 weeks later and the significant VSD was confirmed. Jameson also had a 2 vessel cord. Everything else seemed fine. This was the first appt where drs were positive and talked about interventions we would do after Jameson was born. I was thrilled! I even got to have a ‘regular’ OB appt!

Things continued pretty normally for awhile. My regular OB appt went well and everyone was shocked and happy to see that Jameson was still growing like a healthy baby. Another celebration! At 24 weeks I woke up in the middle of the night with horrific back pain. I couldn’t get comfortable. I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions before, but this night they were actually painful and regular – about 4 minutes apart. I went to L&D and was monitored for several hours. My contractions were showing on the monitor and I was 50% effaced. Eventually the contractions slowed down and I was sent home with meds for a UTI. It was a super scary day, but again, something to celebrate. He was still safe and where he needed to be! I hadn’t been very active in the pregnancy to this point, but I started taking it even easier. Monday, November 5, 2018 was a pretty uneventful day. I went to work and relaxed when I got home. I was laying down watching a show when I felt like I peed my pants. I went to the bathroom and a huge gush of fluid came out. I stared in horror as my belly started shrinking right before my eyes. I went to the hospital terrified. Contractions had started and were pretty intense right away. After arriving at the hospital, I was brought to a room quickly and changed into a gown. They put monitors on my belly and had a difficult time finding Jameson’s heartbeat. When they found it, it was going from the 60’s to 80’s. At this point the room was full of doctors and nurses. I had been in the hospital for 10 minutes when I was rushed to the OR for a crash c-section. Jameson was born sleeping at 10:26 pm. 2 pounds, 1.3 ounces and 14 inches long. I was 27 weeks 1 day. While doing the c-section, doctors discovered I had a placental abruption and had a ton of blood in my uterus. If I had been 10 minutes later to the hospital I would have died as well. We stayed in the hospital for 4 days. I was able to keep Jameson with my the entire time. I have hundreds of pictures of him. My family was able to meet and hold him. I gave him a bath. He even pooped on me!

After getting Jameson’s diagnosis, my view of the pregnancy changed. I was determined to celebrate every milestone no matter how small. Each day I had with him was something to celebrate. I had elective ultrasounds done and got as many pictures as I could. I have a heartbeat teddy bear with his beautiful heartbeat recorded. I had maternity photos taken at 25 weeks. I had a baby shower scheduled. I have locks of his hair I keep in a necklace and wear everyday. I read books to him every night. I decided to share my journey on Facebook with friends and family. I did it for me, but was quickly surprised at how quickly news spread around the world and I connected with other families going through the same thing. I also had a friend who was having a high risk pregnancy as well and our friendship grew stronger with our shared experiences.

Losing Jameson was the worst thing I have ever gone through. My soul is shattered. He should be with me instead of being my angel in heaven. In the short time I had with him, Jameson taught me so much about life and love. He taught me to not take anything for granted. Life is short. Celebrate everything.

Would you like to make a donation in memory of this child?