I was 14 weeks pregnant when my OBGYN suspected something was wrong with my little boy. She saw what was later explained to me as a thick nuchal fold. I had never heard of the term. She suggested that we do a NIPT blood test. I agreed, but honestly never thought anything would actually be wrong. I was so concerned with having another miscarriage that I never stopped to think that my sweet baby boy would not be “compatible with life.” The test took approximately two weeks to come back and it came back HIGH RISK for Trisomy 13 and Trisomy 18. My heart sank.
She then referred me to a High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor. At the first appointment, she saw on the ultrasound that my son had clenched hands and two cysts on his brain. She said that these findings went along with the NIPT results and then suggested an amniocentesis. It took a few weeks but I then did an amniocentesis. The results took ten days to come back and it came back positive for Trisomy 18. My heart instantly broke. This baby that I had always dreamed about wasn’t going to survive. All of the saved items that I had picked out for his nursery and all of the adorable baby clothes were no longer needed.
All of the beautiful firsts that my husband and I were supposed to have with him, were no longer going to happen. Instead, we’d have to make funeral arrangements, pick out an urn, and 1-2 outfits to dress him in at the hospital. It wasn’t fair. We had all of this love to give.
We decided that we would appreciate every single second that we had with him, no matter the outcome and we did. For 29 weeks and 4 days, I got to experience what it felt like to be pregnant with such an amazing little baby. Then we could no longer hear his heartbeat on our at-home Doppler, so we went to the hospital where they would tell us that our son had passed.
We decided on a cesarean, and he was born sleeping on April 11, 2023 at 6:35 PM. He was 1 pound 15 ounces and 13 inches long. He was perfection. Thanks to the hospital’s “cold cot” we were able to spend 4 amazing days with our sweet boy. Those were the best and worst days of our lives.
I miss him every single second of every single day. I miss him when I’m awake and when I’m asleep. Jude Everett Ramoz, our sweet sweet boy, we will miss until our very last breath.
Jude’s Story
