During the end of December 2019 I bought my first home with my amazing fiancee. It was one of the most exciting time in my life. I had just graduated with my Masters from USC and life couldn’t be better. Myself and my Fiancee couldn’t be more happier, our lives were starting and we were ready to build a life together.
During this time I was under the impression that I couldn’t get pregnant. I had been to multiple doctors and specialist that told me that I would need help conceiving when I was ready. It never crossed my mind that I could possibly get pregnant.
On the 14 of February 2020, I had a horrible UTI, was extremely dizzy, and felt under the weather. My fiancee decided to take me to the emergency room because I wasn’t feeling well. And that’s when we found out that we were pregnant! I cried of joy because I never thought I would be able to conceive naturally. I would look down and rub my tummy and I knew the minute that we found out we were pregnant that it was a girl. Baby Angel started to grow inside me and all the ultrasounds showed my baby girl so active. I went to all of my appointments and every single time we got so excited. During my second trimester I received an unexpected call. My doctor told me that my blood work came back positive for Trisomy 18. She stated that I would need to go to a specialist for an ultrasound and that Trisomy 18 was fatal for a baby. As I said “bye” all I could do is cry. My fiancee called the doctor back to get more information regarding the blood work and what it meant. A part of me had hope that the blood work was wrong, I mean how could my baby have trisomy 18, I was healthy, and so was my fiancee. Our families all have healthy children and no one has had any complications.
During my appointment I was extremely worried especially since I had to go on my own due to COVID-19. My fiancee had to wait in the car and I hated the feeling of not having him with me during this hard time. During the ultrasound the tech was nice enough to explain what he was looking at. My baby girl looked perfect to me, I could see her moving, stretching and extremely active. I had the highest hope that my baby was fine. After the ultrasound the doctor came in and told me that they seen soft markers for trisomy 18. She stated that my baby girl was smaller than expected, she had a cyst in her brain and clenched hands. All I could do was cry and I had no idea what to think. After she spoke she asked me to run more test and I agreed. I had a second noninvasive blood work done. The waiting time seemed to be the longest … I was stressed, depressed and couldn’t help but cry every time I looked down at my growing tummy. And then we heard from the genetic counselor, I knew the minute she said “do you have time to speak” that the news she was about to give was not good. I gave the phone to my fiancee and she stated “the test is positive.” I swear my world came crashing down.
We decided that we should go forward with the amniocentesis. During that ultrasound, the doctor stated that my babies heart was pushed a little to the side and that her tummy was pushing up towards her heart. Everything sounded like a bad dream and I did not want to believe everything that was being said. After 10 days of waiting for the final result we heard back from our doctors, and the test was positive. They told me I had to decide whether to go full term or terminate my pregnancy. I was broken and upset that I had to decide something like loosing my baby. My fiancee decided to make the appointment at the hospital because he wanted to see an ultrasound and speak to the doctors of all the findings. We went on 6/2/2020, my fiancee is a CT tech/ MRI Tech so he has experience with images. The doctored showed him our baby girl, he stated that my babies head was not developing correctly and that she had some liquid going into the heart and her kidneys were next to her heart. They stated that my baby would not live outside of my womb. I was heart broken but I knew that I didn’t want my baby to suffer. We decided to go into labor, on 6/3/2020 my baby- Angel Nicole was born and returned back to heaven. She was 12 oz, 9 inch long. She was the most perfect little girl. I held her and cried and kissed every area of her little body. I spent more than 24hrs with her and I did not want to let go of her. I never got to hear her cry or see her eye or even feel her warmth. She left me to soon and I hate the feeling. I know my baby did not have a long life and she left me way to soon and I do wish I would had tried to give her a fighting chance. But at the same time all of the findings that the doctors gave me made me feel like she would suffer and not have any type of life. I love my baby girl and all she knew was love and my heart beat and my warmth. My sweet baby Angel Nicole is now in heaven with her grandmas. I will forever miss her and she will always be near my heart. She thought me what it means to love someone so much and gave me hope that I will one day conceive a baby and she will be watching over her little brother or sister. I love you my sweet baby Angel Nicole.
Angel Nicole’s Story
