Loss of baby


Hello. I am a mother of 2 beautiful children. In June of this year, I found out I was pregnant again. It was such a surprise to my husband and myself, but we were ready to welcome another beautiful child here. We went to our routine appointments as scheduled. From the start, however, I couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong. I guess you could call it a mother’s intuition. Our doctor said the baby was measuring a week smaller than it should be. We were told we probably had the last date of my menstrual period wrong. However, my husband and I both knew there was no mistake. We continued on with monthly checkups per schedule. On September 6, 2019, we had an 1100 appointment. We found out during this ultrasound that we were having a little girl. I was so excited that my husband would get to have a daughter. Our excitement turned to pure terror and having this sick feeling I couldn’t get rid of. Our doctor came into our room and told us “they saw something on the ultrasound.” I knew that wasn’t good from the moment he said it. He showed us the pictures that were just taken and the baby had an omphaocele. I had personally never heard of this term before, so he explained it as a birth defect that could be repaired at birth if it wasn’t too big. That wasn’t reassuring. He then went on to tell us that he wanted me to have genetic testing done to make sure there were no other problems. He explained that there was an underlying correlation between babies with omphaloceles and Down’s syndrome, and Trisomy 18. When I heard those words, my heart began to ache immediately. I’m a RN and know those terms well. He sent us over to a lab that day for testing. 10 days later, my lab results were back. Those 10 days were the longest days of my life.

My doctor called me at work on Monday, September 16. I knew immediately when I answered the phone, and my doctor was on the line instead of the nurse, I was going to hear bad news. I went into an empty patient room and sat down. He told me my lab results didn’t come back good. He said it was positive for Trisomy 18. He said he spoke to the high risk doctor that he was going to refer me to, and their recommendation was to terminate the pregnancy. He gently explained that if i didn’t, I would have greater heartache in the upcoming months. I understood. Everything he said from that moment on seemed like a blur. All I heard was go to Albuquerque and their was a clinic there. Call if we can do anything for you. So, there I sat at work. In an empty room, by myself, tears coming uncontrollably. I sent a text to my mom and husband. He met me in Tulsa and we spent the day together. The next afternoon, we were on a flight to New Mexico. On September 18, 2019, my pregnancy was terminated. It was so very hard. It didn’t really hit me until I got home. Tears come out of nowhere at any given time of the day. I have a sadness in my heart that is just always there. I know I did the right thing, but it’s so very hard to think about what could have been. The only thing that keeps me going is that I know God had other plans for my little girl. I’ll see her again as a healthy, beautiful baby girl. ❤️

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